Aftercare, at its core, is the act of caring for your partner(s) after sex, kink, or any emotionally, physically, or psychologically draining event. This can look different for every person, every situation, and every relationship.
This is when restraints come off, gags come out, or candles are extinguished. Some common forms of aftercare are vanilla sex, cuddling, alone time, rehydrating, having snacks, having a warm blanket and/or stuffed animals, baths or showers, or massages. This is also the time where painkillers, ice packs, water, injury cream, or general first aid is given. The negotiation of aftercare is just as important as the negotiation of the rest of the scene. Something that may be comforting for one person may be triggering for another. It is important to remember that safe words are still able to be used even while aftercare is being performed.
The effects of Dom/me or sub drop are similar to the body going into shock. Some of these symptoms are low blood pressure, rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, panic, depression, flu-like symptoms, shaking, crying, or feeling lost and alone. Both sides of the dynamic can experience this drop. It can happen while a scene is happening or even days later.
Aftercare is vital in helping avoid drop. There are also a few things you can do to prepare and help avoid drop before the scene even starts. Eating a light meal, high in protein, drinking lots of water, stretching, mood check-ins, discussing the plan for the scene, reassurance, and praise can all help mitigate drop. Make sure you take any medications that you are prescribed. Warming up the body if impact play is on the table can make the scene go more smoothly and last longer, if that is what is desired.
Building a larger aftercare kit is highly recommended. Keeping the non-perishable items in a backpack or container nearby makes the transition from scene to aftercare easier. Ice packs, perishable snacks, and cold water is also recommended for aftercare kits, but they must be kept at the appropriate temperature. These are a few items to keep in the aftercare kit, but as with everything involved in kink, it is customizable to each person. Discussing aftercare before the scene makes the experience enjoyable in the long-term because all persons involved can relax and focus, knowing they will be taken care of before, during, and after each scene.
- High protein snacks
- Good for grounding and raising blood sugar
- Sour or spicy candy
- Can help stop an anxiety attack or spiraling thoughts
- Water bottle
- Rehydrating and grounding
- Sports drink or electrolyte drink
- Rehydrating and replenishing salts and electrolytes
- Blanket or Bathrobe
- A drop in blood sugar or endorphins can cause chills and shivers
- Warm socks and change of clothes
- A drop in blood sugar or endorphins can cause chills and shivers
- Familiar, comforting clothing can make a person feel more secure
- Wet wipes or makeup wipes
- Stuffed animal
- Coloring book with crayons, colored pencils, or markers
- Journal and pen
- First Aid Kit
- Painkillers
- Ibuprofen, acetaminophen, aspirin
- Bandages
- Band-Aids, ACE bandages, KT Tape
- Triple antibiotic gel/cream (Neosporin)
- As-needed medication
- Diphenhydramine (Benadryl)
- Burn gel
- Can be used for rug burn, rope burn, or from candles and wax
- Vitamin E cream, Vitamin K cream, Arnica gel, Tube of Heparinoid
- Helps reduce bruising and inflammation